Before going out to San Francisco for the Conference I took the Amtrack’s Coast Starlight down to LA. I woke up when we reached Davis, ready to start the day again, ready to work. But I realized there were no power outlets aside from strangely placed three pronged smiley face outlets just above a cramped toilet. Could I be that crazed, overworked person who works in the 3 by 3 foot stall for the convenient power source. No, not gonna go there. So I talked to the unemployed Portlander who traveled nearly 20 hours out of her 30 hour trip towards San Diego. She mentioned the good unemployment packages in Oregon, complained about an influx of rich hipsters in her neighborhood, lamented the loss of her awesome movie theater job, discussed getting a masters in Multimedia, and of course, praised Portland’s great bar scene, (I can attest to this after my winter wonderland visit last December). She sighed a dissatisfied, heavy sigh of someone who grew up way too privileged. Now, with the weight of the world on her shoulders and all the responsibilities of being “grown up,” she was ready to check out.
I always share an armrest with an unexpected character. From Los Angeles to Sacramento I shared a stuffy UA flight with an investments adviser who was returning from a meeting with a Big Time movie producer. I tried to describe my career goals to him but he thought I was in marketing (even after a lengthily explanation of current projects). He was pretty disconnected from my world, as I was from his world. Get this, to avoid using the computer, a part-time assistant prints out his important emails every morning for him. To find some sorta common connection, I told him about my plans to invest in a solid mutual fund when I have enough to save. He mentioned it would be better to save in a Roth IRA, where I can pay taxes on the moolah before it gains interest. Then his voiced lowered to a whisper, as if he was sharing a piece of information only the wealthy would pay to hear; buy low sell high. Oh come on, that was his one piece of advice I should remember?! Well I would’ve told you that; we all took the required economy course in high school. Oh my favorite concept from that class was diminishing marginal utility. It makes so much sense. The more you have of something the less value it has. Say for instance the more airline peanuts I am offered, the less valuable or tasty they will seem. Anyway, his voice lowered even further as he told me to invest in silver and gold. Okay I gave it away. I shouldn’t be blogging this. You didn’t hear it from me.
I met an even stranger character from From San Francisco to Sydney. His name was Steve, the Aussie. He loved to hear himself tell a story. He also liked to order mini bottles of Jack for me. “I’ll take the Jack and Coke and she’ll have the same.” Um no. He knew I couldn’t have a mini bottle before I took my one prescription sleeping pill, unless I wanted to pull an M.J. The flight attendant, with rosy cheeks and a tailored poly-blend pant suite, asked if the liqueur was for us both, as she wasn’t allowed to give more than one bottle per person. Did I mention that this same flight attendant asked if I was over 15 when I arrived at my emergency exit row seat!! Anyway, he smiled at her with beautiful crinkled sparkly eyes. She handed over the bottles following up with three more double rounds throughout the flight. Next, he described how he made bootleg liqueur out of yeast, sugar, water. Um, I think you’re missing something I said. No, the yeast eats the sugar and we skim the waste off the bottom and do that two more times until we have a liqueur that is say, 90 proof. The result is a clear, tasteless liquid that lingers like a good slap in the face. After his stories about bootleg alc., water skiing w/ one ski, Canoeing across Minnesota, working the slot machines in Vegas (using his patented technique), and visiting a vacant strip club that afternoon in SF, I took one of the two Ambient given to me by my temporary doctor. The doctor who had no answers for my excessive bruising but did have a nice cure for a long long flight. My eyes opened as the attendants handed out food sealed in dimpled black plastic microwave dishes, coated in grease, sodium and preservatives – yum. I was so out of it. I saw the steel cart rolling down the aisle, one mile per hour. Needy passengers under piles of luggage and food wrappers ponged their needy “I need” lights while opening pop tops… ssschtzzzzzsch. Did I mention that I accidentally left my I pod, books and any other form of entertainment in my checked luggage. Whhhyyyy?
Steve wanted me to guess his age, and I got it spot on, 27. In the natural progression of getting to know you topics, I brought up the “so, what is it that you do?” He asked if I really wanted to know. “Oh not if you don’t want to talk about it.” Well, he took a sigh and described his job as an underwear inspector. I must be gullible. He kept that story going until he mentioned he was responsible for making sure all the “bits” were in place while on photo shoots and general marketing events. Okay, cut the crap. He never actually told me what he did. He said that everyone in the States seems to be so curious about his profession so he would much rather make up a new professional guise each time an inquiry arises. Perhaps in America we are too caught up in what we Do. Work starts to define we are, as it is becomes such a big part of our lives. That’s just scary. Next thing you know, I will be walking down Market street in the financial district of SF wearing various shades of business blue, creased slacks, pointy pumps and my hair will be smartly pulled back in a low bun. To top it off, an expression of smug importance. Actually no, I would need an biz/econ degree for that path and an assistant to print out only my important emails, placing them squarely on my desk before I arrived.
Sorry for the tangent, now back to Steve. When writing his declaration for reentry into Australia, he wrote down Escape Artist under the profession section. He showed it to me, explaining “this is one of many jobs I tell people when they ask.”
I finally made it to Melbourne after the 20 hour travel time including layover. On my taxi ride from the airport I watched a man in a uniform washing a bus stop with a long-handled brush. He was so thorough and detailed with the hard-to-reach spots. It really shined. I wanted to know more about his life. Was he happy? Could I be happy with a job like that? Do I need to go out and invest in business casual attire to land a good job, so I can invest in a Roth IRA and wait to live it up when I retire? A lot of people went down this path and recently lost most of their savings. Should have invested in silver and gold…